"Where do I go from here?"
Only three full days left. Despite my occasional grumblings, it has been a really good experience. As I look toward the end, I wonder not just what I have learned but how much it will stick with me once I am again living in relative luxury. Relative to the way I am living now, anyway.
I have begun to learn a little of what it means to be homeless. Some of the issues which I never would have realized have come to light through this process. It's interesting because this final week is focused on serving, which I have done many, many times before, only now it is radically different.
No matter how hard I try to justify it, every time I served before, somewhere in the back of my mind, I had an us vs. them attitude. Along the way I had some inaccurate opinions of the causes of homelessness and the ability of the homeless to get out of cycles of poverty. I have come to understand that just because someone may have a roof over their head does not mean that they are settled or any less "homeless".
Most of all, I have learned to see others as equals. No, more than that, that others, no matter their circumstance, are all writers of my life story and I of theirs. The pages and chapters they contribute are just as valuable as any other. Everyone has a story to share. A good story, one worth listening to, no matter what. Those stories weave along with mine to create this wonderful human narrative. All people have great value. When did I forget that?
When was it that I would have been afraid to clear the dishes and silverware that HIV positive people had just used for fear of catching something? I did that just a few minutes ago and am somewhat ashamed I remembered a time when I might have thought that way.
Part of the learning process this experience has given me is to realize that I am a little ashamed of the person I was before. Certainly ashamed of the person I was five, ten, and twenty years ago but, to be honest, ashamed of the person I was just a month ago.
I still have room to grow and I will probably be ashamed of the person I am now in the near future. At least I hope so.
I'm not totally sure who I am now. This experience has changed me, is changing me in a positive way. I view people in a different light now, for sure. I just hope this new way of looking at the world, this new way of looking at people, doesn't wear off! That would be a shame.
So I guess I need to figure out ways to hear the stories of others as I progress into ministry. Maybe I'll eat at a food kitchen once a week. Maybe when I do that I will wear a collar. Maybe not. I'll try to seek out ways to hear the stories of others throughout my ministry. I don't want to lose this.
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